It’s true: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. But in Chasing
Papi, we’re talking triple the females, triple the fury, and quadruple
the boredom. When I see a movie on DVD that I can’t remember ever hearing
about during it’s theatrical run, I think one of two things. A) It is
a work of cinematic genius that somehow sadly went overlooked by the media and
in turn by its respective audience. Or B) It is so mind-numbingly bad that if
it ever did make it to the theaters, it was probably taken off the screens faster
than most of us can say “Flop.” My analysis on this particular movie:
definitely B.
It all starts with sexy Tomas “Papi” Fuentes (Eduardo Verastegui)
a successful advertising executive who lives in Los Angeles. During frequent
business trips to Miami, Chicago, and New York, Tomas falls madly in love with
three different women and swears to each that they are his one and only. First
there’s Cici, the Miami-based salsa-dancing cocktail waitress with dreams
of becoming a professional dancer. Then there’s Lorena (Roselyn Sanchez),
the uptight poetry-loving lawyer/ activist in Chi-town. And finally, we have
Patricia, (Jaci Velasquez) the spoiled socialite from New York City who has
a fat checkbook and an annoying dog with whom she matches her most expensive
designer outfits. The big mystery isn’t how this man can get three beautiful
women, because his charm says it all. The real question is how, between salsa
dancing with Cici, seducing Lorena with romantic poetry, and cruising around
on his motorcycle with Patricia, does this man have time to work?
Well, it all unravels quickly when all three women arrive in Los Angeles to
surprise Tomas at home, and each discover that they are NOT Papi’s one
and only. If this isn’t enough chaos for you, they throw in a couple of
thugs, a mysterious bag of money, a beauty pageant, and the FBI. Now they’ve
got you hooked to one miserable plot that gets cheesier and more predictable
as the movie goes on.
And back to this whole three girls to one guy situation. I’m no feminist,
but I have a serious problem sitting there watching three respectable women
(and I’m being really nice by calling them that) bickering over a man
who lies and cheats on them from day one. Put aside the dark wavy hair, bright
blue eyes and seductive smile and what are you left with: Just another cheating/lying
scumbag who deserves to spend eternity alone. I don’t think I even broke
into a smirk during this entire movie. The comedy is non-existent, the dialogue
is dismal and other than two hours of eye candy, this movie has absolutely nothing
to offer below the surface. But if somehow those two hours aren’t long
enough for you, there’s always the special features.
The bonus materials include a “Making of” featurette where you
can listen to the cast and crew comment on the production. Director Linda Mendoza
and producer Forest Whitaker provide commentary on the characters and script,
while the actors talk about how most of them can see some of their own personality
traits in the characters they portray. (If that’s the case, then I sure
hope their lives are a lot more interesting than the plot!) This feature is
fine but I'm sure that all DVDs have this, therefore making it nothing special
or out of the ordinary. By the time you finish watching this movie; I highly
doubt you will care about why and how it was made.
There’s also a bloopers and outtakes feature, but even that isn’t
funny! No hilarious quirks or misread remarks. Just a bunch of shots of the
actors breaking into an occasional laughing fit, which I bet was probably from
a joke they had heard at lunch as opposed to the wit of the actual script. Also
featured is a music video of the title song “Chasing Papi”
by Huey Dunbar and Fat Joe.
Final Thought: The last of the special features is the original theatrical
trailer, which is the only part of the Chasing Papi DVD I actually recommend.
Put it in, watch the trailer, and that’s all you’ll need. Not only
will the trailer show you the entire plot of the movie, but you will have only
wasted two minutes of your time as opposed to 80!
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